I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
