Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
