I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
