That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
