Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
