oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
