honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
