I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
