DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
