and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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