the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
