im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
