Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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