So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
