she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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