dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He felt like a one man threesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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