Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just want nice things and good sex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
