he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
