Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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