Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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