Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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