sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we're making bets on your personal life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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