Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
