I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
