I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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