i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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