if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
