gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
