My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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