I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
