not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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