im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
