Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
