Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
