I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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