i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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