Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I look better un-naked...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
