Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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