Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
