tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
