I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
