i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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