So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
