cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
