so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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