I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
