What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
