I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
