the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
