I just cut my nipple shaving
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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