i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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