Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
