Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
